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Postponed Another Moment

By Bandana Upadhya

Artist credit: Shiloh Sophia

“Oh no, oh no, oh no,” my frontal lobe repeated, the panic starting to travel from my brain to my throat, heart, and stomach. I escaped to the obvious place, the bathroom. A bathroom holds many secrets for a woman; its four walls can tolerate any truth, any amount of frustration and endless tear-laden and fear-driven moments. My husband shouted from the bed, “are you alright?” I don’t think I said the ‘Oh no’ out loud, or maybe I did. I think he was worried because I ran off, and even the least attentive man would notice their wife run away in the circumstances in which I ran. ‘No I am not alright,’ I wanted to scream. It usually takes me some time to reveal my vulnerabilities, so I pretended not to hear. He asked again. ‘Just leave me alone!’ I wanted to shout this time round. Instead I said, “I am fine”. The “fine” was unhelpful but it gave me a little more time with the mess in my head.   Continue reading “Postponed Another Moment”